Giving it Up? Sex work as addiction...

I talked to someone tonight who used to date sex workers, in fact almost exclusively, until he got sober. No longer. He purported sex work to be akin to an addiction, and that so many of the people he dated wanted to leave the industry but couldn't. He explained that these women had a terrible time letting go of the highs of money and positive attention, though they wanted to get out. He admitted that as an active addict he was attracted to the sexuality of the business as well as the daddy role he got to play when the workers were struggling, but once he got clean, for his own sake he had to steer clear of sex workers.

I found this such an interesting perspective. It seemed like he was not only calling sex work an addiction but himself a sex worker addict. This reminds me of so called 'rice queens' and 'tranny chasers', both offensive and derogatory terms for those who seek out partners based on a specific demographic they fetishize. Would this guy be considered a 'ho hound'? Where is the line between fetishs and addiction?

I wonder if this is a common type of partner, those that consistently seek out sex workers as dates; either because they fetishize them or because they fit well with their 'addictive lifestyle'. I took umbrage at this guy's depiction of women addicted to sex work, but that's largely because I'm sensitive to non-positive comments on sex work made by those outside the business and none of my sex worker friends have gone through the cycle of wanting to leave without being able to. I certainly prefer sex worker or former sex worker partners solely on the basis of compassion and understanding around my work. Despite whatever other drama may arise, work has never been an issue with other sex workers I've dated and that is always such a relief.

I'm curious to hear if anyone else has met someone like this, someone who primarily dates sex workers, in a way connected to addiction or not?

Working Hearts in Naked City

Audacia Ray of Waking Vixen, The Bi Apple and Naked on the Internet fame edits a sex blog for the Village Voice called Naked City.

She has an interview series called Four on the Floor where she asks four questions. Sounds concise, n'est ce pas? Well, not when I'm answering.

She decided to interview me about Working Hearts beacuase of the dearth of resources focusing on sex worker relationships.
The interview gives a pretty thorough idea of the mission and motivation behind this blog as well as some Partner Tips.

Thanks Audacia for the interview!

Love-Work-Survey

Inara de Luna (nice last name!) is a Qadishtu ( sacred sexuality priestess) who created the Temple of the Red Lotus and blogs at Petals-in-ink.

She is conducting a survey about exactly this topic; sex worker's personal sexual relationships from applicable to workers and partners, and asked if I could spread the word here. Since I am very interested in getting this conversation amongst actual sex workers and partners started in widespread sense I of course, agreed.

I asked Inara about her interests and motivations in this survey, since I was unclear if she was an academic or researcher as well as tantrika, and this was her response:

"This project is mainly for my personal interest, because I am Qadishtu (or a sacred sexuality priestess), and this is a topic that comes up regularly. I'd like to write an essay on it, and possibly include it in the Qadishtu training program I offer through the Temple of the Red Lotus. I am also a sex worker advocate and am extremely interested in how sex workers manage their personal relationships, as sex work and Qadishtu work parallel each other in many ways."

So hear is the information for the survey from Inara, enjoy!
I will ask her to write a synopsis of her findings and post them here, I'm certainly interested in what other people have to say.

Survey here.

This survey is intended to explore the effects of being mated to someone who is a sex worker, a sexual energy professional, or a sacred sexuality practitioner. Please indicate whether you are a sexual professional in some capacity, or if you are the mate to someone who is. "Mate" simply means that you are in a personal intimate relationship with that person, regardless of how you define your relationship.

Note that "sexual professional" will be used to refer to anyone who engages in sex work, sexual energy, or sacred sexuality (where that work involves people besides a significant other), no matter what label is preferentially used.

The questions are designed to be neutral concerning who is taking the test, so both professionals and their mates are encouraged to answer all the questions.

Thank you in advance for your time.

Lovingly,
Inara
www.TempleRedLotus.com
www.twitter.com/inaradeluna

Comment on the First Poll

Karly Kirchner said:

I had to vote for four of them:

Work makes me Insatiable for my lovers!
Being in love is so distracting, I can't Work!
I can't work unless I'm getting some at home, or at the bar, or in the park..somewhere on my free time!
Work is Work and Love is Love, they don't affect each other, it's so different.

I can't separate all of this. I've felt all or some of them at one point or another. Most importantly, I feel very solid with my emotional and physical boundaries which allows me to float between all of these different emotions. Feeling like I'm able to be up front and frank with my lovers and partners is the best way for me to feel confident in all of my many relationships, regardless of whether they're personal or professional.

And I LOVE that this blog exists! Thanks for making it happen!