Working Hearts' First Flame

But not the sexy kind.

I just want to publish one of the two rude and inappropriate anonymous comments I received today. The following is a good example of the kind of comment that won't make it past the moderators (except in this bizarro exception). I encourage a broad perspective of viewpoints and opinions, in submissions and comments, and it is totally fine to (respectfully) disagree.

However, rude, inflammatory or super nut-jobby comments will not make the cut. And remember, this is a blog for current/former sex workers and their current/former personal, unpaid lovers and partners, so if you don't fit that criteria, don't try to slip past the ho-dar.


So delight in this frothing rant, dear readers, as it is the last you will hear from this Anonymous and their ilk.

Oh, WARNING. Strong, potentially triggering violent language below. There is nothing here that will help you feel connected to a community or good about your relationship, so do not read if terribly violent misogynist and homophobic language will ruin your day.













From Anonymous
"The only real fully compatible mate for a prostitute is a real pimp. You have guys that might be partially compatible and some guys will be allright with it for a week or month but he is a square and the first argument you have he will call you a WHORE and not in a nice way. Pimps accept their women for being hoes and they forbid them to do unsafe nasty sex practices like bbbj dfk daty, where a high percentage of indy renegade prostitutes without pimps do daty bbbj dfk. Why do prostitutes without pimps lie? Because they want to live a double life and they are living a lie. It is wrong to lie and some square guys will beat up or kill their woman if they catch her fucking one man so imagine what can happen if he finds out she fucked and sucked hundreds may-be thousands of men and if she does bbbj and gives him a disease he might very well murder her. Imagine a married man being a down low homo getting his anus and rectum pummeled the average woman would be devasted if she caught her husband doing that. It is wrong and selfish to lie. The reason a lot of prostitutes don't have pimps is because they are to selfish to give their man the money she makes. She rather keep the money for herself and still make her square boyfriend pay for everything. But that greed always back fires and blows up in her face! Real hoes be with real pimps. The rest are just a fraud and they are living a lie! "

Bondage Pornstar Madison Young's Take on Work and Relationships

Madison Young recently posted about her own experience with work and love on her blog: Making Waves in Feminism One Anal Scene at a Time, in a piece about having a partner who also works in the sex industry.

Living Standard by Bettina Faye

At the cusp of our teenage years, we discussed (in whispered voices) extravagant plots for escape. When the time was right, we’d run away together; no jobs, no savings, no regrets. Many years later, when that time finally came, we had long since gone our separate ways. I had left the suburbs of Pennsylvania to pursue what I hoped would be a fruitful academic career. He was a college dropout, pursuing a series of dead end jobs in what could best be described as a dead end town (the type of town that chews you up, spits you out, and leaves no survivors if you stick around too long). When pitted against the often harsh reality of circumstance, our small-town dreams seemed like childish delusions of grandeur.

It was no miracle, but a phenomenal leap of faith, that brought him back to my side. We aren’t children anymore, but the life we’ve begun to create for ourselves looks remarkably similar to our silly adolescent schemes.

He brings in a server’s wage at a small cafe with peaceable (but notoriously stingy) patrons. We pay rent, we cover bills, and we treat ourselves to a nice meal out here and there. I embrace a future of simple living, but as I prepare to enter my final year of college, I’m continually struck by the fact that even a “living wage” is barely enough to keep one’s head afloat.

Sex work has long been a point of conflict for me. On one hand, I am thankful, because I approach sex work from a place of privilege. By turning tricks to pay my way through college, the stakes are very different than if I were turning tricks to feed a family. I’ve turned to sex work not as a means to survive, but as a means to craft a more dynamic life for myself and my partner. It is true that love heals, but cohabitation has taught me that the financial humdrum of everyday life can really hurt.

My decision to more actively pursue sex work currently exists in a state of limbo. When I ask my partner to share his concerns honestly and without hesitation, the answer is always the same - “I want you to do what makes you happy.” While I honor his selflessness, I can’t bring myself to accept this sentiment. I spent too many years floundering in an attempt to discover what truly brought me happiness. My partner challenges me, humbles me, lifts me up, and enriches my life in a way I’d once believed only existed in dreams. When I chose to be with him, I willingly accepted that I was now one variable in a new equation.

Can I truly be happy if I sense my decision breeds discontent in my relationship? Though my partner claims to want only what will bring me happiness, will he change his mind when I return home long after he’s gone to bed? When I return home with the scent of another man’s cologne lingering on my clothing? Will he tell me how he really feels when I bring home more money in one evening than he makes in a week?

And how does this make me feel? Shouldn’t I be toiling by his side, working for a pittance to honor the American Dream? Shouldn’t I be leaving for work the minute he arrives home, so we can fall into bed, cranky and exhausted, at the end of a very long day?

I love my partner, and it is this love that has left me confused and uncertain। The financial security I’ve gained in a short period of time has allowed me that much more freedom, but at what cost? Though he doesn’t say it, I can see him cringe at the thought of touching me after I’ve been touched by countless others। I’ve tried to convince myself that my personal sanctity cannot be determined by how many men I fuck and for what price, but when I find myself unable to share the “whole” truth with my partner, I realize I’ve still got a ways to go.

by Bettina Faye,

check out her blog:
I Paid for College

Working Hearts in Naked City

Audacia Ray of Waking Vixen, The Bi Apple and Naked on the Internet fame edits a sex blog for the Village Voice called Naked City.

She has an interview series called Four on the Floor where she asks four questions. Sounds concise, n'est ce pas? Well, not when I'm answering.

She decided to interview me about Working Hearts beacuase of the dearth of resources focusing on sex worker relationships.
The interview gives a pretty thorough idea of the mission and motivation behind this blog as well as some Partner Tips.

Thanks Audacia for the interview!

Love-Work-Survey

Inara de Luna (nice last name!) is a Qadishtu ( sacred sexuality priestess) who created the Temple of the Red Lotus and blogs at Petals-in-ink.

She is conducting a survey about exactly this topic; sex worker's personal sexual relationships from applicable to workers and partners, and asked if I could spread the word here. Since I am very interested in getting this conversation amongst actual sex workers and partners started in widespread sense I of course, agreed.

I asked Inara about her interests and motivations in this survey, since I was unclear if she was an academic or researcher as well as tantrika, and this was her response:

"This project is mainly for my personal interest, because I am Qadishtu (or a sacred sexuality priestess), and this is a topic that comes up regularly. I'd like to write an essay on it, and possibly include it in the Qadishtu training program I offer through the Temple of the Red Lotus. I am also a sex worker advocate and am extremely interested in how sex workers manage their personal relationships, as sex work and Qadishtu work parallel each other in many ways."

So hear is the information for the survey from Inara, enjoy!
I will ask her to write a synopsis of her findings and post them here, I'm certainly interested in what other people have to say.

Survey here.

This survey is intended to explore the effects of being mated to someone who is a sex worker, a sexual energy professional, or a sacred sexuality practitioner. Please indicate whether you are a sexual professional in some capacity, or if you are the mate to someone who is. "Mate" simply means that you are in a personal intimate relationship with that person, regardless of how you define your relationship.

Note that "sexual professional" will be used to refer to anyone who engages in sex work, sexual energy, or sacred sexuality (where that work involves people besides a significant other), no matter what label is preferentially used.

The questions are designed to be neutral concerning who is taking the test, so both professionals and their mates are encouraged to answer all the questions.

Thank you in advance for your time.

Lovingly,
Inara
www.TempleRedLotus.com
www.twitter.com/inaradeluna